chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
