'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
