can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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