Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize