someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
