Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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