I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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