It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
