Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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