bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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