he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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