Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
