I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
