Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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