I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
