rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
