you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize