We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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