So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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