cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
