Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
