Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
