I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
