I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
