If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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