I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize