thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
