i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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