My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if only i could text you this smell
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
