Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
