Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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