considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
