So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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