I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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