It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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