Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Randomize
