Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
