I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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