first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
