you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize