Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
