Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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