haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
