hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
being pregnant is like rehab
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
