I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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