i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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