Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
