Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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