am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
