i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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