Ambien. No doubt about it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is Oprah even human
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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