Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
