You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
