She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
