You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
