i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
