there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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