Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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