Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
