i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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