so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
