every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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