i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
