so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
