i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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