Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
