Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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