Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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