I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
