we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
