There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
