My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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