I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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