worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I currently don't understand fingers.
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