I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
50% drunk capacity currently
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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