This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
