I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
