Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this beer tastes like vomit already
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
