I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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