the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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