1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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