Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need moral support for this bender
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
