Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
