what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
