a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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