note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
