I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
someone owes me an orgasm
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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