No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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