Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize