So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
