peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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