What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
