you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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