when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The adults are the big ones right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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