The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
