So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
