The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
