Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
