saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
