her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
