Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
