This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
