shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
