So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
