Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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