How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
