Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
