Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize