Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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